Was I ever in Love?

He had me at hello

Sure, I have told a few guys that I loved them in my life span, but not many. And when I did, I meant it. That was until March 17, 2012. The day I learned what true love was about and that prior to him, it was NOT love. Now I am not your relationship guru. I am the type that does what my heart desire and ignores my mind. I am the one who says “okay” to your advice but does the opposite (which wasn’t always the best choice).

See, I had my bad luck with men. Check this one out: The guy I lost my virginity to, my High school “love,” well he had a baby with my niece. (Told you, bad luck). And no he wasn’t a pedophile. I am the youngest of 9, so my eldest sister and my mother were pregnant at the same time. Yup, my niece and I are four months apart (Guess you can say we are more like sister). You are probably wondering if I was mad at her or got her back some way. The answer is No because I instant loved her daughter and I will do anything for her. It was a rough patch in the beginning, but honestly, my niece did me a favor.

On to the next short story- I had another man who I dated that was a few years older than me and in college. Very good looking man; football player, tall and definitely a “player”. I was just young and naive with that one so you can take a wild guess what happened with that relationship.

After that I had a #metoo moment. I ended up going away to college and would not fall for another man for about 6 years. Now I won’t get too involved with this next story as it has some plot twist and broken hearts but, I met a man who lived in the apartments next to mine in Charlotte, NC. He was a quiet man, nothing that stood out too much but I fell for him quick. I would have done anything for that man and one day he just up and left. Came home to a quiet house and an empty closet. I later went to nursing school and moved back home to NY after graduation. Side note: We dated again after being apart for 5 years. I packed up my life and moved to Texas to be with him and after two years guess what he did??? YEP just ended things without a hint. So I packed up my shit and moved back to NY.

Now the important part of this life long lesson. The reason I am able to love today… his name is Rylan and he is my son. If it wasn’t for him, I would have no idea what unconditional love is. Because of him, I am able to allow myself to give my all without losing myself. It is because of him that I am able to be on this quest for love after my terrible unsuccessful attempts at love.  And because of him, I was able to let go of my fears and love another.

(For those of you wondering about my sons father, I’ll be honest in saying that I was never in love with him, I thought I could be, but I wasn’t and it took my son to realize I had never been in love before. So long story short-  I was told it would be hard for me to get pregnant the old fashion way, so we ended up being careless in the bed, and I got pregnant!)

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